so i got drunk and looked at the empire state building. it was no bigger than a nickel

I realize that what I'm about to say is tantamount to saying "I ♥ Adolf Hitler and Satan" or "I hate Jeff Buckley"¹, but I'll go ahead and say it anyway. I would suggest that you sit down first, and that you think of the things you like about me. Here goes...

I don't give a flying monkey's ass about Star Wars, and I'm happy with that.


Okay. The needle just scratched across the record, and the room has gone dead silent. Except for the crickets.
It's true, though. I really don't like Star Wars. When I was young, I liked them (Episodes 4-6), but when I watched "Star Wars" again before the release of Episode 1, I realized that I just didn't like it. I did, by the way, go see Episode 1, and I was not in heaven. I had no interest in seeing Episode 2, nor the highly anticipated Episode 3. I found myself in the Tajmah Teeter Wednesday night close to midnight. Adjacent to the Teeter is the freakin' multiplex where they were doing the midnight opening. When I saw the scores of people, the line wrapped around the building and meandering through the parking lot, I felt damn good about not being into that. Surprisingly, I didn't see a single person dressed in costume, but they were still out there jockeying for position. I was glad that I didn't have any interest in sitting in the crowded theater until 3 in the morning, breathing in the stench of nerd funk©. Aside from all that not wanting to be in discomfort, it still remains true that I just don't like Star Wars. So I won't just wait until later, as many of you will happily be doing.

Now playing:

henry's dress bust 'em green

¹ It should be made clear that the management of Red and Black is The New Black and Red generally does not give merit to the Hitler-Satan duo, but that it gives its unwavering support of the late Jeff Buckley.